In that pre-industrial world, there was little in the way of Saturday night entertainment so Adam and Eve spent their days in bed, and she bore Cain. There still wasn't much to do, so they spent their nights in bed as well, and she bore Abel. Now Cain was like his father, a man's man, in the likeness of Adam even as Adam was in the likeness of God, but Abel had his mother's eyes, and she favored him for that. It came to pass that Cain and Abel were sacrificing to God, Cain his fruit, and Abel the firstlings of his flock, some truly heavenly mutton. I mean, you might think that the sheep you can buy at the local Safeway is good, but it's nothing compared to those firstlings of Abel's flock. God preferred the lambchops to the salad, and Cain was angry.
Cain spoke to Abel, "You smug little hippie. Why do you always get favored? First Mum, and now God. It's just not fair!" Abel then spoke to Cain, "What can I say? Why offer rabbit food when there's plenty of succulent red meat walking around? I mean, it's not as if God has to worry about his cholesterol." Cain became angrier then, and he smote his brother, and his brother died.
"Where is your brother?" the Lord asked Cain.
"You're the omniscient one. Why ask me?" Cain replied.
"Where is your brother?" the Lord asked Cain.
"He went to the cupboard to get his poor sheep a bone," Cain replied.
"Do not jest with God boy! Where is Abel?"
"Well you see Almighty One, it was like this..." and Cain told God what had happened.
When Cain had finished, God said, "Cain my boy, what have you done?"
"I just told you," Cain responded.
"Oh you evil man," God proclaimed. From this day forth, you shall be a fugitive, a vagabond, no, a travelling salesman! And the earth will no longer yield its strength to you."
"Oh great!" Cain exclaimed. "Now what will I do? Anyone who finds me will kill me!"
"Anyone who? The goats? I mean look here buddy. There's you, there's me, there's your parents. The serpent's off being fruitful in South America, so who exactly are you afraid of?"
But Cain begged, and God relented, which I may point out set a very bad precedent, and God set a mark on Cain so that anyone who found him, which would have to be a family member anyway, would not kill him, no matter how persistent he was in his relentless pursuit of selling encyclopedias door-to-door.