Coming Out as a Leatherboy
by boy rene
Coming out is never easy. It's a long process, involving first, accepting in yourself something that isn't necessarily mainstream. It can take weeks, months, or in some cases, years, before you really accept that you are gay, bisexual, transgendered, or one of any other sexual identity that isn't covered by the term 'straight'. In some cases, if you belong to a religion that doesn't see non-straights in a positive light, you may also have to struggle with some spiritual issues. After that, you have to start thinking about if you're ready to start letting other people know and, also, who it would be ok to tell, and it's an emotional roller-coaster all over again.
When I first started my explorations of Leather sexuality, I found myself going through the same motions that I had first started going through just a few short years prior, when accepting myself and coming out as gay. I felt the fear that maybe I was abnormal, or that there was something wrong with me, that it wasn't 'natural'. I found myself stumbling, trying to find some guidance in a world that I knew nothing about.
Over the next few months, as I continued my journey and soul-searching, I came to a realization: I was discovering my sexuality all over again. I found that it wasn't just about causing pain or humiliation, like so much of what you see when you just look at the surface. There are layers underneath that I could never have imagined. I've made friends that I would not have been able to make otherwise. I've found mentorship from men who have been in this community for far longer then I have. Men who had qualities in them that I wanted to see in myself, much more then was there already. They had a sense of self-respect and confidence that was outstanding, integrity that was to be admired, and a sense of brotherhood that I did not find in other parts of the gay community.
Now, my own journey has only been for a few years now, so I make no claims as to being an expert on Leather sexuality. My goal with this column, is that I'd like to tell people about my experiences, and the knowledge that I've gained, in hopes that it will help others. What I have found is this: I have gained a sense of self-confidence that I never had before. In working hard to gain the respect of these men that I admired and respected, and finally gaining that respect and acceptance, I found a sense of self-worth that I did not get from what I felt to be a very clique-oriented gay community.
What I'd like to leave you with is this, a quote by Henry David Thoreau: "“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” I urge you, no matter where you are in your coming out process, and whatever you're coming out as, listen to that drummer inside of you. Have confidence in that beat, because it's what makes you who you are. At the end of the day, I would not want to be anyone but the person I see in the mirror, and when you come to accept and love yourself, even with all the quirks and 'deviant' sexual interests, I know you'll feel the same.
