Boy Rene's Musings

The boy/Sir dynamic.

by boy rene

When you're on the outside, looking in, on the exchange between a Sir and his boy, it can seem very one-sided. In some cases, it may seem abusive. For example, at a bar, it's likely to see the boy having to get his Sir and quite possibly his Sir's friends' drinks. The boy could possibly be seen to be told to stay with his Sir at all times, a step behind him, and not permitted to say a word to anyone unless given express permission. The boy is likely to have a chain or collar around his neck, locked, with the key not even being in his possession. Depending on the nature of the bar, the boy may even be asked to provide certain, um... "services" for his Sir while they're out. And, if his Sir gives him an order, and the boy doesn't behave as he should, he may get into big trouble for it, either at the bar, or later at home, depending on the severity of the infraction.

So you may be asking yourself: why? The relationship seems extremely one-sided, where you have one man living with what seems to be a servant at his beck and call, whereas his boy doesn't seem to be getting anything in return, so why would anyone live in this kind of abusive relationship?

The thing that most people don't understand is the mentality behind all of it. For a boy, being of service to a man that he respects is where he will typically find a lot of his enjoyment. Being told "good boy" on a job well done is the same as being given a hug and being told "Thank you, I appreciate it" for quite a few. For the Sir, if he's taken on a boy and collared him, what he's really done is taken on the responsibility of nurturing and caring for, raising, and protecting someone. He's taking someone, who will typically be relatively new to the Leather community, and instilling values in him, typically along the same vein as honesty, integrity, and respect for himself and for others. As for protection, that collar around the boy's neck is a signal. It tells other people that that boy is under the protection and care of a Sir, and should anyone mess with that boy, they'll have to answer to his care-taker.

As for things like the boy getting his Sir drinks, or other tasks and looking to the Sir's needs while they're out, what's really happening is that the Sir is teaching his boy to think ahead. The boy, through this, should learn how to keep focus, and be aware of the needs of others. He learns to think of others before himself, and to have a sense of awareness for those around him and in his life.

So on the outside, yes, the relationship may look rough and one-sided. At the core of it all, though, there is a caring relationship, built around a foundation of caring, mentorship, guidance, and respect.